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        當前位置:丁香作文網 > 寫人 >

        “唐僧”老媽最讓我討厭

        作者:林堃 閱讀:

          每個人都有自己最喜歡的人,而我最討厭的人則是我那整天猶如老和尚念經不停的“唐僧”老媽。

          “林堃,起床啦!”一聲如雷般的吼聲傳進了我的耳朵里,緊接著又是幾聲“河東獅吼”,使還縮在暖暖被窩里做著美夢的我睡意全無,只得揉揉眼,一骨碌起床穿衣服,一邊小聲地嘟囔著:“大冬天的,又是星期日,好不容易能放松一下,這么早起床干什么呀?”大概是“唐僧”老媽聽見了我的抱怨,又跟念經似的說:“早睡早起身體好,你沒聽說過?趕緊起來刷牙洗臉吃早飯,好去鍛煉身體……”聽著老媽沒完沒了地念起她自創的“修身養性經”,我只得長嘆一口氣,無可奈何地執行去了。長期以來,我的耳朵都快聽出繭子了。老媽呀,什么時候能閉住您的嘴,讓您那三寸不爛之舌歇歇呀!

          “林堃,做作業的時間到了,快做作業去!”鍛煉身體后,我又聽到一陣急促的喊叫聲。母命難違,我只能趴在書桌上很不情愿地寫了起來。可“唐僧”老媽的嘴一刻也停不下來:“身體要坐正,眼與書本距離一尺,要不然哪一天戴上眼鏡成了'四眼貓'可就難看了!”哎,老媽什么都管,我這個“孫悟空”即使本事再大,也受不了“唐僧”的“緊箍咒”呀!

          好不容易忍受完“作業如山”的痛苦煎熬,終于可以離“籠”了!我迫不及待地騎上自行車,向朋友家飛奔而去。后面傳來老媽的喊聲:路上注意安全!早點回家……”媽媽又在喋喋不休。車輪飛轉,我心飛揚,我把老媽的千叮嚀萬囑咐拋到了九霄云外。我像一只剛出籠的小鳥,飛往自由的天地!天更藍了,小鳥在前面引路,風兒吹向我的臉,我的心情舒暢極了!

          在朋友家玩了好一會兒,本想再去街上玩個痛快,可是“唐僧”老媽居然通過電話讓朋友的媽媽轉告我:“限你五分鐘之內回家,否則取消晚上的娛樂時間!”沒辦法,為了晚上半個小時玩電腦的“娛樂時間”能照常進行,我只得使勁蹬著車踏板,讓車輪快速轉動向家里飛奔而去……

          唉,“唐僧”老媽把我管得太嚴了,把我的時間安排得滿滿的,她對我真是用心良苦呀!我是孩子,需要有自由的空間,但她對我的束縛太多了,真讓我討厭!

          (作文字數:823)

          (福建省永春縣蓬壺中心小學四年(3)班   林堃)

          亮點賞析:

          1、開門見山,結尾點題。

          小作者在開頭直截了當點明最討厭的R人是“唐僧”老媽,緊接著層層深入,通過三件事的生動敘述,結尾用簡練的語言表明自已的看法,再次扣住“真讓我討厭”這一中心,簡潔有力,做到首尾呼應,深化了文章的主題。

          2、立意新穎,選材精當。

          《xxx最令人討厭》這個題目不好寫。因為單寫一個人的缺點,尺度不太好把握。弄不好,會把最討厭的人罵得“狗血噴頭”,寫成“大壞蛋”。在小作者的筆下,把星期日早晨媽媽“催我起床鍛煉身體”、“快做作業”、“限時催我回家”這三件事有機串聯起來,從正面突出媽媽“把我管得太嚴了”,點明她“真讓我討厭”。結尾的“用心良苦”讓我們眼前為之一亮,小作者從反面襯托出媽媽對他無限的愛。小作者正是能夠掌握分寸,注重立意,選材時貼近生活,不落入俗套,言辭得體,寫出來的作文富有時代氣息,讓人愛讀。

          3、語言生動,富有情趣。

          不少同學的作文,選材典型,記敘也具體,為什么不感人?一個重要的原因就是語言干巴,缺乏生活氣息。林堃同學在作文中的“如雷般的吼聲”、“河東獅吼”、“修身養性經”、“讓您那三寸不爛之舌歇歇呀”、“我這個'孫悟空'即使本事再大,也受不了'唐僧'的'緊箍咒'呀”、“車輪飛轉,我心飛揚”等語言清新亮麗,生動有幽默感,讀文后給人最大的感覺就是一個字“爽”!“我”和媽媽的語言描寫很口語化,樸實無華,但平凡中見情趣,人物形象如立眼前。

        寫優秀作文必備,成語查詢工具:http://www.fskdh.com/c/

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